I don’t want to marry you, so stop calling me crazy.

If I had a dollar for every time I was called crazy, I would have no college debt and probably be able to finance a new car. Sadly, these generalizations and accusations don’t come in the form of money so that’s not the case. I, along with an outrageous number of 20-something women, have not had an issue racking up my fair share of “crazy” points, especially during my collegiate years. But do we really deserve them?

There’s nothing quite like that feeling of meeting a cute boy and getting the little butterflies that signal, “HOLY CRAP. Brace yourself,  you’re about to vomit because he is so cute.” We’ve all felt it, but we’ve also felt the anxiety of what to do once you realize you have that crush. Do you talk to him? Do you  wait for him to talk to you? What about the whole phone number exchange situation? And the thought of that desired date is enough to stop you dead in your tracks. Typically, I only know how to do three things immediately:

1. Text my best friend in all capital letters: “WHAT IS GOING ON? SOS. HALP. #ICANTEVEN” (Venting helps, promise.)
2. Imagine what it would be like kissing this person. (It sounds stupid, I know. But a lot of the time you picture this and realize how awkward it would be to actually kiss them. Meaning this crush business was actually a false alarm and you should NOT act on it.)
3. Reward myself with some sort of food. No explanation needed.

After completing my post-crush activities, I do much more normal things that all of us girls do. I begin to delve further into the boy and our potential future together. This might involve any sort of social media stalking combined with asking mutual friends how they think you two are around each other. If you’re brave, you might start initiating some more conversation or figure out a way to casually exchange phone numbers for the “What are you up to?” texts on lazy Saturday afternoons. Whatever YOUR post-crush activity is, I completely support it and would love to exchange ideas sometime.

Gentlemen have made their very own translation for words that are actually completely normal, to make us seem like psychos. Looking at your entire Facebook profile is normal, that’s why you made it. Dinner is where people get to know each other. Emojis were created so I have to type fewer words. STOP THINKING IT MEANS WE’RE IN LOVE WITH YOU. I’ve created a little graphic to better explain the miscommunications between the English dictionary and guys’ minds:

Here’s the problem: Boys are confusing our simple crushes with us wanting to marry them.

I have had a number of crushes since being in college. The boy I met in my best friend’s dorm. The kid from home who I hoped might result in some sort of Notebook-like ending to my life. The beautiful guy I saw at the gym that one time I went. Each unique in their own special way. I DID NOT AND DO NOT WANT TO MARRY ANY OF THESE GUYS. I thought they were cute and they seemed nice enough, but engagement seemed a little soon, no?

Recently I took the plunge to my own social suicide, and asked the guy who sits behind me in class on a date. He is handsome and funny and smart and goal-oriented, quite the catch if I do say so myself. We had struck up conversation and had pretty compatible personalities so I thought, “Why not?” I asked for a lunch date, and he responded with a polite decline. But he didn’t just say he wasn’t interested, he responded with a long list of reasons he wasn’t interested.

“I have goals for my future, I really enjoy being single, I don’t want to lead you on, I really like our friendship.” Now I’m sure you’re wondering why in the world I would risk the humiliation of sharing my rejection with anyone on the planet who has access to the internet, (Woah. Considering revising this entire section.) but I do have purpose. While all of these are simple and straightforward and nice (enough), why did he assume I didn’t agree with every one of his objections?

NEWSFLASH:

• I have a longer list of goals for my future than most guys have in their pants. Just because I’m a junior, sorority girl in college doesn’t mean I don’t have plans for my life.
• Saying you enjoy being single really just means you like having the chance to make out with random girls, so like THAT’S really cool.
• You don’t want to lead me on? I didn’t even know this was still an excuse being used on girls.
• Friendships don’t disappear when you say you like someone. Usually they grow, surprisingly.

Now, this certain guy is still a friend of mine. I’m not holding his excuses against him because our friendship is awesome. (Also he’s one of my only friends in the class so why would I ruin that?) Seriously, if you read this, you rock. Try and not to be such a girl about being featured here.

All I’m saying is, guys HAVE to stop assuming we want to be in a committed relationship just because we express interest. We are allowed to think you’re cute and fun without wanting to be in a FBO relationship. We are allowed to text you on the weekends without wanting to go out together all 7 days of the week. We are allowed to want to get dinner and not need to be in every one of your profile pictures.

We realize you guys are awesome, but so are we.